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7 Commandments For Parade Riders

I have assembled these over the course of an intense and strenuous parade season. There needs to be an equivalent set for paradegoers -- beginning with "Thou shalt not judge a parade solely by how much stuff they throw" -- but I cannot do everything at once.

1. Thou shalt forsake thy cell phone except to briefly ascertain locations of family members/close friends thou wisheth to bead-bomb.

2. Thou shalt put away thy digital camera. Thou art putting on a show for us, not documenting it for thine own self, and if thou art so drunk that thou cannot recall thy ride, snapshots of random screaming faces art unlikely to jog thy memory.

3. Thou shalt not be so drunk less than halfway through the parade that thou lookest as if thou art ready to fall (or puke) on our heads. This seemest to be a particular problem this year.

4. If thou danglest a prime throw, thou may taunt the crowd with it for not more than three minutes, and then thou must throw it.

5. Thou shalt not encourage girls along St. Charles to show their tits. That shit belongeth in the French Quarter.

6. If thou art rude to any paradegoer who hast not first been rude to thee, thou shalt be put to death.

7. Thou must at least look as if thou art having fun. If thou art spending thousands of dollars on something that makest thou look as bored and pissed-off as some of thou hath looked this Carnival season, thou art a dumbass.

Thank you, pro bono publico, and Hail Rex!

Comments

( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
sacchrinetokyo
Feb. 24th, 2009 12:26 am (UTC)
Seconded!
mshollie
Feb. 24th, 2009 12:44 am (UTC)
ROTFL, but so true! Thanks for posting!
(Deleted comment)
bridgegirl
Feb. 24th, 2009 12:56 am (UTC)
Amen!
liminalia
Feb. 24th, 2009 01:04 am (UTC)
Grammar nazi ahead:
6. should read "who hast not been rude to thee"

Otherwise, I completely agree.
sweetlagoodgirl
Feb. 24th, 2009 02:15 am (UTC)
Icon <3
liminalia
Feb. 24th, 2009 02:49 am (UTC)
And I love yours!
docbrite
Feb. 24th, 2009 03:00 am (UTC)
O GOD HOW DID THAT GET THERE I AM NOT GOOD WITH BIBLICAL GRAMMAR STRUCTURE

Fixed for accuracy!
auryn24
Feb. 24th, 2009 02:45 am (UTC)
LOL.

So agree.
selphish
Feb. 24th, 2009 03:29 am (UTC)
iawtp
mb2u
Feb. 24th, 2009 03:32 am (UTC)
So say we all.
(Deleted comment)
now_all_is_well
Feb. 25th, 2009 02:34 am (UTC)
LOL, never seen that icon before! Greatness!
dianalily
Feb. 24th, 2009 06:32 am (UTC)
Dear Perseus:
Thou shalt throw more interesting beads than the f*cking seahorses. Damn, what a waste of a parade.
docbrite
Feb. 24th, 2009 06:42 am (UTC)
Re: Dear Perseus:
The Proteus seahorses became a running joke between me and marquisdd last year. "Look! I chased that float for miles to get you this tiny silver seahorse on a cheap pair of red beads!" I would invoke my first commandment for paradegoers, because I do love a beautifully designed old-line parade even if they don't give up the loot, except that last year Proteus went whizzing by so fast that I couldn't tell whether the floats were beautiful or not. Were you able to see more than colorful blurs tonight?
dianalily
Feb. 24th, 2009 07:09 am (UTC)
Re: Dear Perseus:
I'm appalled I forgot the name of this particular parade - Proteus, yes!

We have moved away, yet still we retain the sad remembrances of bags of seahorse beads chucked at our heads as we scrambled for cups. It's a sore point, still.

Our photos of the last encounter, and subsequent personal decor are here.
marquisdd
Feb. 24th, 2009 08:16 am (UTC)
Re: Dear Perseus:
I ditched the odious commute Uptown today, yet, despite a perfectly lovely evening in my 'hood, I feel a distinct void for the lack of new seahorses in my life.

I think the seahorse may be a new talisman for me. That which sucks, but without which one's life is meaningless.

Like corn dogs. (But more sucky than corn dogs.)
now_all_is_well
Feb. 25th, 2009 02:37 am (UTC)
Re: Dear Perseus:
Yeah we didn't get anything during Proteus this year!
poubelle
Feb. 24th, 2009 01:56 pm (UTC)
My sister's riding this year; I just read this to her. She salutes you and promises to kick the butt of anyone who ries to encourage girls on St Charles to show their tits.
chickabimbo
Feb. 24th, 2009 02:26 pm (UTC)
HA! this is so true.
jareyn
Feb. 24th, 2009 03:11 pm (UTC)
And for parade attendees...
Thou shalt NOT throw beads back at the riders.
amadareneko
Feb. 24th, 2009 06:33 pm (UTC)
Love #5, and all the rest!!
puffinz
Feb. 25th, 2009 06:18 am (UTC)
let the good time roll
I agree with smiting a rude parade goer.
anticdevices
Feb. 25th, 2009 10:19 pm (UTC)
No apologies
#1: Period after 'phone'. The rest of the commandment is an entirely different issue. Coordinating a bead-bombing on a float while the parade is riding? Congratulations! You're a moron with a cell-phone. It's too late to coordinate.

#2: Guilty. I geocoded the pics when I put them on Picasa. I'm incredibly happy with the result. Makes me smiley. I'm very happy I documented it. I enjoyed it so much I wished someone else was around to document it so I didn't have to - I'm crap at it. I'd watch that documentary.

Also? I'm not sure it's a good idea to believe that riders ride with the intention of pleasing you. There seem to be a lot of motivations for riding, most of which really have nothing to do with 'putting on a show for us'. I suspect that the ones who go out primarily with the intention of putting on a show are the ones who wind up miserable.

#3: Agreed. Though I didn't particularly see this as a spectator or as a rider.

#4: Agreed.

#5: More than agree. Again though, not something I saw this year.

#6: Shrug. I don't get putting riders on a pedestal, or holding them to a different standard. Turns out, they're human. If rude = death, then it doesn't matter if they're pitching or catching.

#7: Ha! Agreed! However, sometimes you don't discover being a rider isn't your bag until you try. Again, let people be human & make mistakes.
docbrite
Feb. 25th, 2009 10:47 pm (UTC)
Re: No apologies
Well, there you go -- this is why somebody else needs to make the paradegoers' list of commandments for next year. The perspectives are so totally different.
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )

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